


I'm just so into you

by xserenity



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anxiety, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-11 19:11:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,988
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15322332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xserenity/pseuds/xserenity
Summary: Jason had been going to this gym for a year and he literally knows every face, every face because it was always the same people at the gym. But this man—he was new and Jason wouldn’t have ever missed someone with a face like that because he was just so freaking gorgeous.And the moment he lifted the bar and performed a perfect squat, Jason knew he was a goner.He was so fucked.





	I'm just so into you

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Arsenic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arsenic/gifts).



> Hi -- Took me a while to get to writing it, but once I did, this is what came out. I hope there's enough hurt/comfort in it to fulfill your prompts. I really enjoyed writing this a lot and I hope you enjoy it!

Days like these are the days Jason wished he skipped the gym. Who really needs nice legs anyways when he already had them, as Roy had dubbed  _‘thicc thighs.’_ He didn’t really see it like that, though he would admit that—okay, his thighs _looked_ pretty great whenever he looked at his own reflection in the mirror. Toned and wide, how his pants would hug them _just_ right, accentuating the curves of his muscles.

But really, the issue here wasn’t his legs or his thighs, it was the fact that every single fucking _‘bro dude’_ decided that they wanted to do legs today. Out of all the days, _legs._ It was a known fact at his local gym that leg days were Mondays, so Jason had switched his leg day to Friday to avoid having to fight for a spot. But _no_ , apparently today was leg day. 

And because every single _‘oh, I must do legs or else I’ll just end up with chicken scratch legs’_ bro dude is hogging all the machines, Jason decided that _fuck it,_ he’s going to work out his back instead. _Yeah_ because screw legs, he’d rather have a gorgeously broad back (not that he didn’t already), but he’d actually really like that extra douse of muscles. They were kind of hot to look at (on others) and he’d occasionally, subtly, check out some of the bro dudes, as much as he hated them, watching as the curves of their muscles would flex, pinching and squeezing every time they pulled the bar down before their chest. 

Okay, maybe he should just get back to concentrating instead of molesting people with his eyes. Jason drew in a breath and maneuvered away, heading towards another machine to work on his upper back. He plopped his butt down on the seats, adjusted the weights and did a quick stretch, tilting from side to side, before he reached upwards, curling his fingers around the bars and pulling down just enough so the bar reached his chin level and let it extend back up. 

Taking a quick rest before he started the next repetition, he let his eyes wander forward. The area in front of him was the squatting area, consisting of four squat racks set nearby each other but with ample space in between, forming the shape of a rectangle. Side by side and facing each other. 

All of them were currently occupied and he couldn’t help but scoff under his breath, bitter because he was supposed to be squatting today, according to his workout schedule, but was too impatient to wait for a space to free up so he switched up his schedule. 

It was whatever because he’ll just make it up next week. Jason bent down to the right to swipe up his water bottle from off the floor, popping the cap open and taking a quick swig after feeling a parch in his throat. He set the bottle back down, ready to continue his workout. 

He counted. _1, 2, 3, 4, 5—_  

And then he just stopped. 

Frozen in place, his fingers grew limp, pins and needles prickling the tips of his fingers and he released the bar, machine swinging back loudly, shocking others beside him. But of course, he didn’t notice the strange glances he was getting because he was too immersed. Immersed in this—this--- 

 _Who the fuck was this?_  

Jason had been going to this gym for a year and he literally knows every face, every face because it was always the same people at the gym. But this _man—_ he was new and Jason wouldn’t have ever missed someone with a face like that because he was just so freaking gorgeous. 

His face was so damn pretty, nothing Jason had ever seen before. Blue eyes as bright and clear as the ocean. His soft hair, a dark, almost black color. How the strands just fell, the edges beautifully framing his face, those few strands falling into his eyes and fucking Christ. How did he not see him earlier? 

And just—how perfect can his body even be? Why is he even at the gym? Oh wait, to maintain his physique because it was just as if he was sculpted by God himself. If Jason even believed in God. The man was sporting tight sweats, hugging those long and strong legs, the band just hanging above the tip of his hip bones. A somewhat loose t-shirt that said Gotham Knights hid his torso, at least that’s what Jason thought because he couldn’t really tell, and it looks pretty damn worn out. Even then, he could just see how perfect his upper body was. And not to mention his— 

Oh. _Oh._  

The moment he lifted the bar and performed a perfect squat, Jason knew he was a goner. 

He was so fucked. 

 

/ 

 

The next few times he was at the gym, he found himself obsessively searching for Mr. Hot and Handsome. Saw him every time without fail, though sometimes he only stayed for a short time, assuming that Jason had arrived too late. So he tried to time it, to ensure he was there at the same time he would be.

He _so_ wanted to talk to him— _real bad,_ but he just couldn’t find it in him to approach the man, too much of a coward. Too worried, too awkward to make a move.

Seriously, he was awkward as hell and he wasn’t sure he could make the encounter any less… _weird._  

But he tried anyhow, tried to hype himself up because people made friends at the gym all the time. Like, _all the time._

Well, not him because he hadn’t made a single friend yet since he started. Jason didn’t know how, really. He’d kind of lost his ability to really talk to anyone after a lot of— _well,_ he’d rather not think on that. 

So he gave himself a pep talk, tried to tell himself that he could do it. That all he had to do was just say hi or something, and maybe Mr. Gorgeous would just carry on. 

Jason decided to give it a go, okay well, he attempted to, tried to worm his way over and nonchalantly work out next to him, hoping to find a good spot where he could just self-insert himself. 

 _‘Hi, my name is Jason and I think you’re hot—‘_  

Well not like that. He’d never say that. 

And as he eyed the man beside him, watching as he curled a dumbbell, how his biceps just grew larger with every pump, he blushed, warmth blooming on his cheeks and he abruptly stopped what he was doing and left.

The many attempts he’d tried just always ended up in failure. 

The future looked bleak at the moment.

 

/

 

 **Me [5:43 PM]  
** Btw, you don’t need to go today. 

 **WorstFriendEver [5:44 PM]  
** what. y? 

 **Me [5:45 PM]  
** Just don’t. 

 **WorstFriendEver [5:46 PM]  
** but we always work out e’r thurs. how come u dun wanna? 

 **Me [5:47 PM]  
** I don’t need you today. Also, the way you text annoys me.

 **WorstFriendEver [5:48 PM]  
** oh come onnnnn. I text fine! tell me y tho! :sadface: thurs is our work out day! we spot each other

 **WorstFriendEver [5:51 PM]  
** jay…..? 

 **Me [5:55 PM]  
** … you’re going to ruin my chance

 **WorstFriendEver [6:00 PM]  
** ….OH. :O

 **WorstFriendEver [6:01 PM]  
** :DDDDD does this mean what I think it means? 

 **Me [6:02 PM}  
** Shut it. 

 **WorstFriendEver [6:03 PM]  
** :DDDD ok I wun go just for u. TELL ME LATER THOOO. I expect it !!

 **Me [6:04 PM]  
** Never.

 **WorstFriendEver [6:05 PM]  
** ;<

 

/

 

Maybe he should have actually taken Roy with him as some personal or emotional support. Or someone to give him just a push, a tiny push. Or tell him to man the hell up and just talk to the guy. 

But no.

After two weeks, Jason had made zero progress. None at all. Mr. Deep blue eyes was just too much for Jason to handle. Too dazzling, too perfect, just too— _too much_ for him. And Jason just, he wasn’t suited for a man of that type. Someone who looked too nice, too kind with his pretty smile that just kind of melted his heart every time he’d laugh with that red-headed freckled guy who sometimes showed up with him. They seemed kind of affectionate in a way and _maybe,_ maybe they were dating. 

Or maybe they weren’t. He wouldn’t know.

All he knew was that Mr. Perfect seemed too damn perfect for him and _someone_ like Jason, who had all kinds of issues, just wasn’t well suited for him. The guy was probably really friendly, seeing how he’d always sling an arm around his maybe-friend and kind of screamed rainbows and sunshine. Jason wasn’t any of that. 

Jason was gloomy, socially inept— _a pessimist_. And constantly had butterflies in his stomach and wasn’t very nice to people. 

And that was why he found it hard to approach the guy even though he so badly wanted to. 

 **Me [7:12 PM]  
** I think I’m doomed.

 **WorstFriendEver [7:13 PM]  
** yyyy???

 **Me [7:14 PM]  
** This guy is just too good for me. I just can’t. 

 **WorstFriendEver [7:15 PM]  
** no one is too good for u Jay. ur the best 

 **Me [7:16 PM]  
** You only say that to make me feel better.

 **WorstFriendEver [7:16 PM]  
** u know I dun do that. just relax and try again. be yourself :D 

 **Me [7:17 PM]  
** Meh. You think so…?

 **WorstFriendEver [7:17 PM]  
** I kno so! Do it! :D

 **Me [7:18 PM]  
** …Okay.

Jason listened to Roy’s advice and decided that yes, he will try it again. He just needed to calm his loudly beating heart, get it to pipe down so he wouldn’t pass out due to nerves.

The next time he found himself at the gym, he shyly made his way to the weights, and watched as Mr. Pretty Boy picked up two 35 lb dumbbells off the racks. Jason mimiced his movement and did the same, though he made the mistake of picking heavier ones, like, pass his capacity (60 lb) that caused him to struggle because 1) they were too heavy 2) he was trying to show off 3) he probably shouldn’t have because he quickly lost his balance.

In trying to catch himself before he fell on his ass, he dropped the weights to the ground, nearly missing his feet, thank god, and just— _he just—_

“Are you okay?” he heard a voice call out to him and the moment he turned his head, he was met with an angel.

An angel with a beautiful silken voice.

And fucking Christ, he can feel his face heating up, probably turning as red as a tomato, embarrassed about his fumble.

Jason stared blankly, eyes unblinking, caught in a daze as the man gave him a concerned look, eyebrows knitted together. He wanted to say something, anything, but he couldn’t find his voice, found the words lodged in the back of his throat so the only response he could give was a slight nod.

And then without letting the man reply back, Jason quickly, but carefully put the weights back and scurried away.

 

/

 

 **Me [11:27 PM]  
** …I give up.

 **WorstFriendEver [11:35 PM]  
** what? no! 

 **Me [11:35 PM]  
** Yes. 

 **WorstFriendEver [11:36 PM]  
** yyyy? 

 **Me [11:37 PM]  
** Why do use so many ‘ys’? I don’t get you. And because, I suck.

 **WorstFriendEver [11:38 PM]  
** u dun suck. Also imma call u so give me a sec

In the next ten seconds or so, his phone rang and he knew it was Roy, could see his stupid smug face flashing on his screen. He slid the green bar to the right and set his phone on speaker, too lazy to lift it off the bed. He was lying flat on his back, body flush against his firm mattress and head nesting in his pillow. 

“What’s this about you sucking?” Roy barked into the phone. He sounded a little irked.

“You know me.”

“Yeah, I do,” and it was a true statement, after all, Roy was his best friend and had seen the emotional mess he’d gone through, leading up to his self-esteem issues, or well, making it worse because Jason already had issues beforehand.

“No one would want to date me,” Jason sighed loudly, a little hurt at the thought.

He heard a tongue click, followed by a snort. “I’d date you. There are plenty who would date you. You’re great Jaybird.”

“But I—“

Roy cut him off before he could say anymore, already knew where this was heading. “Forget about _him_ ,” he spat with venom in his tongue, causing Jason to cringe at the sound. But this wasn’t anything new. Roy hated his ex-boyfriend, and that was a fact. Called him a piece of shit and practically threatened to beat his ass for hurting Jason. Even though Jason believed it was his fault despite what others had said.

Considering the reason they broke up was because Jason wasn’t good enough. Jason was too emotionally constipated and apparently sucked in bed, well excuse me, he preferred to shove it up someone’s ass rather than take it. Would only take it for someone he really trusted. Which okay, he did sort of trust his ex-boyfriend. Not like his feelings were deep for him or anything, but the end result of the relationship wasn’t really nice.

It didn’t help that his childhood was kind of fucked up and the fact that he grew up in crime alley with a drug addict mother and an asshole of a father.

So he wasn’t born into a loving and picture perfect family. Not that it mattered but he’d always been self-conscious about himself. About his background, him as a person.

And while he met people, some that he loved and could trust, part of him still had doubt. And those doubts were partially true, what with all the bad relationships he’d been in. He was sure he was just his entire being was made up of bad luck, filling every inch of his body, so much so that there was no room for any good luck.

So how could he even begin to imagine being with someone as beautiful as his gym crush? Not that he knew much about his crush because shit, he could barely talk to him. But still, he could tell—probably—that he was a good person.

_Probably._

A sigh broke him out of his thoughts and he hummed quietly in answer.

“At least try again. Talk to him, ask him to spot you or something.”

“I don’t really want to.”

Another sigh. “Please,” he was pleading, only something Roy ever did when he felt like it was important. “You might be missing out.”

There were truth to his words and after some thought, Jason nodded his head, reluctant albeit somewhat determined to conquer his fear.

“Okay.”

 

/

 

Finally, he gets somewhere. Had to gather up all of his courage, compressing it all into one centralized location and said fuck it, let’s do this.

With as much of a neutral expression as he could, trying to force down the red that was threatening to creep upon his cheeks, he approached Mr. I’m wearing a short sleeve today. And it was, well, awkward. As he expected.

The guy was occupying one of the bench machines used for bench pressing, complete with two weight-bearing loads on either side of the bench and a long bar resting on top of the hooks. He was removing the plate of weights and slipping them onto the edges of the bar, securing them on with a clip to keep them in place.

Typically, Jason would be doing chest exercises with Roy, having a spotter in the case he ever dropped the weights on himself whenever he decided to take on a challenge and push his limits. Which he did and he probably would have crushed his lungs many times if not for Roy watching him.

Jason made his way towards the pretty boy, coming just a few feet away from him and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

“Uh, hi,” he said, voice cracking just a smidge. He cursed himself, cleared his throat and tried to bring it back to his normal tone.

Bright blue eyes fell upon Jason and he might have swooned a bit having those beautiful sharp eyes focused on him, unlike the first time it happened (he tried to forget about it). His attention was fully on Jason, brow slightly slanted upwards in curiosity.

_Fuck._

“Er, do you need any help…like, do you need help?” That probably could have come out a lot smoother which it should have because Jason had practiced the line many times over. But when it came to doing it in person, it just came out all wrong, a jumble. At least it was straight to the point.

The man blinked at him a few times, trying to let the information sink into his mind, processing it before his lips broke out into a wide smile, pretty white teeth showing and _fucking hell,_ Jason could just kiss him. If he had an ounce of courage within him left.

“You sure?”

Jason nodded, not trusting himself to say anything right.

“Great. I’d love to have a spotter. I can do the same for you too,” he said.

“...Yeah,” Jason murmured in an attempt to reply. He tried to sound excited, and really, he was, his heart was thumping wildly in his chest.

If the man noticed how awkward Jason was, he didn’t say anything and kept on smiling.

“By the way, I’m Richard but I go by Dick.” He held out his hand for Jason to take and Jason immediately took it, slipping his own into Dick’s hold and damn, their hands easily slotted together, forming a perfect puzzle piece that just wanted to stay stuck together and Jason couldn’t help but think how right his hand felt in Dick’s.

And then there was a pause, a moment of silence as Jason admired his hand, feeling how rough and callous they were, how they were just a tad smaller than his own but yet still gorgeous, fingers long and thick and _wow._

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard a voice call out to him, a question directed towards him and he remembered why the hell he was in this position in the first place.

“And yours?” Dick spoke, voice smooth and silk like.

“Oh,” Jason said dumbly. “J-Jason. Jason Todd.”

“Nice to meet you Jason. Do you want to go first or should I?” Dick asked and pulled his hand back to point a thumb over at the bench.

Jason nodded at him, gesturing for him to go first. He took up the offer and laid down with his back flat on the bench, positioned his chest right under the bar. Jason stood right behind him, his legs reaching just a few inches before the tip of his head. He cast his eyes down, staring at Dick’s form, upside down, seeing him smile sweetly before he reached up and curled his fingers around the bar, lifting it up to bring it down.

And wow, Dick was strong. Of course he was. He’d been watching him since he first started here, knew the exact weight he lifted for all his exercises. God, that made him sound like such a stalker, but he was just really interested in him.

He was a little in awe being so up close. Could see how Dick’s biceps flexed with every lift, how his breath grew short. How every time he pushed the bar up, he’d groan under his breath, huffing.

That kind of sent shivers down his spine, a certain heat pooling at the pit of his stomach and he tried to shove it away. This wasn’t the right time to have dirty thoughts about someone he’d finally introduced himself to. Besides, it wasn't as if Dick was interested him in _that_ way. Even more, he probably wouldn’t even get in the same bed as him.

Though that didn’t prevent Jason from imagining how good Dick would be in bed, and how much he could do to him until he was a moaning mess. Not that Jason had that much confidence, just sometimes.

The rest of the work out, in his books, was a success. Though still awkward in some aspects with how short Jason would be. Though Dick did do a lot of the talking, asking him questions here and there and just smiling the entire time.

When they finished their workout, Dick bid good-bye and even added a “see you tomorrow.”

Jason immediately sent Roy a text the moment he got inside his car.

 **Me [6:02 PM]  
** He said see you tomorrow. 

 **WorstFriendEver [6:02 PM]  
** :thumbsup:

 

/

 

Gradually, it became a regular for them to work out together whenever they were at the gym at the same time, which happened more frequently than not. Even going as far as to set up a time and day for the next time they do work out.

He practically sees Dick five times a week and if it weren’t for the need to rest his muscles, he’d push it for seven, but alas, he reserved time to rest and recuperate before breaking any part of his body. He didn’t want to particularly experience any muscle strain of sorts.

Jason had been worried about their conversations, and luckily for him, there was nothing to worry about. Dick talked a lot, like _a lot_. He was a chatter box, a constant noise, talking about nothing and everything and he was able to learn quite a bit about Dick.

How he was rich, after being adopted by Bruce Wayne.

How he had two adopted brothers, who he really adored.

How they have a butler who was basically his grandpa.

How his adoptive father was an asshole sometimes or well, most of the time. Yet he still loved him.

This kind of made Jason feel a little like shit, and he decided to never breathe a word about himself which Dick never questioned him about so he was thankful. Even then, Dick was nothing like those rich snobs and was actually quite normal.

Jason found himself enjoying Dick’s company. He mostly listened, answering when he was prompted. He liked the way Dick spoke, how he told his stories, how they would unfold the way a movie did. How beautiful his voice sounded, music to his ears and it was just so soft and warm. Besides, he preferred doing less of the talking and more of the listening. It was easier on his frame of mind, helped ease his nerves. He often feared making the conversation awkward so he tried not to talk as much.

Even though he was getting used to interacting with Dick, the man still got him all flustered.

What with how pretty he was. How vibrant his eyes were, expressive. How Jason could see his every emotion, was slowly starting to learn what each of his facial expressions meant. And his gifted body because holy fuck, it was perfect. Jason knew it was all because of Dick’s hard work, not to say that Jason also didn’t have a good body, but compared to Dick, he was more bulky.

Dick was muscular, but lean, not skinny, but just the right size. And he seriously just wanted to cuddle him, maybe do more. Okay yes, he’d love to do more.

Not that it would ever happen. Not with someone like him. It would only exist in his fantasy world and he was kind of okay with that for the time being.

Surprisingly, they got along really well. So much so that Dick went as far as to invite him out to eat after a workout. Which Jason totally said yes to and was this a date? Because it sounded like a date, was what his mind was telling him but he was pretty sure it wasn’t—just a typical friends getting food together.

He was still excited nonetheless and reported back to Roy.

 **Me [6:23 PM]  
** I think I’m going on a maybe-date. MAYBE. He invited me out to eat.

 **WorstFriendEver [6:23 PM]**  
O m g. I AM SO PROUD OF U. SO SO PROUD.  
:crying_face:

 

/

 

One thing led to another and then another. And now, Jason found himself hanging out with Dick outside of the gym, eating, watching movies and walking around the park plus other stuff. Their time spent together increased and while it was weird, Jason didn’t mind it.

It was like they were dating, but they really weren’t. Because again, who would want to date Jason? Jason was not—he’s not fun or cute or hot. He’s just— _hideous._

And part of him, the negative part of him, felt like Dick was just being nice and didn’t really enjoy his company. But the way he smiled at him, so soft and sweet, how he’d always laugh at Jason’s ridiculous jokes or stupid things he said, it all felt so genuine. It couldn’t be fake. Dick wasn’t like that. Even though he only knew the man for a month going on two, his gut just told him that Dick was a really kind person.

He just couldn’t understand why Dick liked hanging out with him, inviting him out over and over again. Jason couldn’t wrap his mind around it, often spiraling into the destructive perspective of things even though the evidence was clear as day.

Jason had consulted with Roy, which Roy called him stupid. Told him that whatever he was conjuring in his ridiculous mind obviously wasn’t true and Jason was being a pessimist and he should be more optimistic. Told him to open his eyes and look, really look.

He tried and could kind of see it, but couldn’t comprehend it.

Even then, he continued to hang out with Dick because he just really liked the man and couldn’t stay away.

Hopefully, maybe, Dick enjoyed his company. Maybe even liked him too—even if it was just as a friend. He’d rather be friends with Dick than not at all.

/

 

 **Me [4:48 PM]  
** Do you think he likes me? 

 **WorstFriendEver [4:48 PM]**  
jason, we’ve been over this. course he does  
you hot  
you sexy  
why would he not like you

 **Me [4:49 PM]  
** Because I’m not. 

 **WorstFriendEver [4:49 PM]  
** sometimes I think u need to get ur head out of ur ass

 **Me [4:50 PM]  
** Fuck you.

 **WorstFriendEver [4:51 PM]**  
no.  
fuck him :winkyface: 

 **Me [4:51 PM]  
** Seriously?

 **WorstFriendEver [4:52 PM]  
** seriously. go fuck him

 **Me [4:52 PM]  
** You are the worst friend ever.

 **WorstFriendEver [4:53 PM]  
** ur welcome

Jason tossed his phone onto his bed, ignoring Roy’s other text messages and groaned loudly into his empty room. He slung an arm across his forehead, squeezed his eyes shut and tried to calm himself. He’d been stressing lately and it was tiring him out.

He couldn’t help but be afraid. His past, everything about it, had made him insecure.

It was just hard to take a step forward because whenever he did, he’d end up taking ten steps back.

 

/

 

He didn’t know how, or what happened, or why, or what. But it happened.

He found his lips pressed against Dick’s, or more like, Dick’s lips pressed against his own because the man, in all his beautiful glory, kissed him out of nowhere.

Okay, Jason probably saw it coming, _sort of._ They were at Dick’s apartment, seated on the couch big enough for two, watching a movie because this was something that became a regular. The couch was small with little to no space in between them.

Their arms would touch, pressed against one another and Jason could feel the heat burning into his skin, how warm Dick felt. How their knees with knock against one another, their thighs grazing whenever they moved to adjust. How as the movie progressed, he found the tips of Dick’s fingers lightly dancing along his thigh, tap dancing its way up and down before he’d spread them wide, palm coming down to rest on his thigh.

And Jason would find himself holding in his breath at the thought of how his jeans was the only thing standing in his way of having direct skin contact with Dick’s pretty hand.

It wasn’t always like this. The movie nights started off tame, innocent, but today was just, there was sexual tension screaming in the atmosphere and Jason could smell it. He seriously could and at first, he thought it was just him.

Because as he found out, Dick loved skin ship. He was a touchy feely kind of guy and often would graze a hand along his back, go for a hug whenever he could, press up close against Jason’s side as he slung an arm casually around his shoulder. It did things to Jason’s poor heart and every time they touched, he felt like he would combust into dust.

It didn’t happen of course though he knew one day, he wouldn’t be able to hold it in and would definitely make a move against his better judgement.

Except, his expectation of himself had been thrown out the window because Dick was the one who made the first move.

When their eyes met accidentally during a part of the movie, Jason just adjusting his position and Dick moving to the side slightly to make room, they had turned their heads towards one another, and immediately, felt like their breaths had been caught.

Dick’s eyes were focused on him, half-lidded. The blues of his orbs were dark, almost hazy and for a moment, Jason was confused. Found himself staring at Dick with interest, eyes moving down when he caught Dick biting on his lower lip, nibbling. Found him moving closer towards him, inching in until their noses touched.

He was so entranced, breathless that he didn’t notice Dick’s hand on his cheek, cupping it so tenderly, so gently and why was he so close—

Then they were kissing.

Plump pink lips against his own, moving against him with gentle pressure before he pressed in more, a bit of desperation hidden within his kiss.

It only lasted for a few seconds before Dick pulled back, brought their foreheads together, hot breath tickling his own moist lips.

And fuck, Jason was dazed because that kiss was amazing, intoxicating. He’d been dreaming of it, had been wanting this to happen. Didn’t even _imagine_ it coming true but it did and Jason was blown away. _Completely._

Without a second to spare, Jason took the chance, against his better judgement, and moved in again, crashing their lips together, capturing them like he was starved, deprived of Dick’s touch. Licked his lips along the bottom of Dick’s, grazing the tips of his canines before biting it until the man gasped aloud and he took that opportunity to slip his tongue inside, tasting him, licking him until Dick was a sputtering mess.

When he broke apart for the second time, their lips were red, swollen, and glistened with saliva. And holy fuck—Dick looked wrecked, his pupils blown wide, cheeks a rosy red and hair sticking up in all directions with how rough Jason had been tugging at his strands.

There was a pause and then, in a rough and low voice, Dick whispered, “Bed?”

And Jason didn’t even give it a second thought before hegot off the couch, hands wrapped tightly around Dick's wrist as he tugged him down the hallway to where Dick’s bedroom was.

 

/

 

The next morning was full of regrets. So many regrets as Jason stared at Dick’s sleeping back, staring in distress at the marks he’d left all over his body. He reached over and tugged at the blanket pooled around his waist, pulling it up to cover the man up so he wouldn’t see any more of the mess he’d left.

He felt so bad. Horrified at what just transpired.

It wasn’t like it wasn’t good. In fact, quite the opposite because it was amazing. Fucking one of the best sex he’d ever had. Got to ravish Dick until he was trembling underneath him, legs clutched tightly around his waist in a vice-like grip, squeezing him so hard in his tight heat and just— _wow._

He wanted to do it again. He really did.

But he couldn’t. This was a mistake. It was—everything was a mistake. He shouldn’t have succumbed to his lust. He should have pushed him away, he should have been stronger.

But he wasn’t and now, he’d ruined everything.

As much as he wanted Dick, he didn’t want him like this. Only in his mind. _Just in his mind._

Because relationships weren’t for Jason. They weren’t. He wasn’t suited for this. Wasn’t suited for anyone loving him. And if they did love him at first, they would soon fall out of love with him because that was what Jason did. Make people hate him because he was just so unlovable. Problematic.

So before Dick could wake. Before any confrontation could occur, he ran.

That night, he couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t deal with the constant buzzing of his phone, phone calls and texts coming from Dick. He didn’t want to read them, had caught a glimpse of one already and couldn’t bear to see them so he just muted his phone.

Eventually, he checked it and swiped away all of Dick’s messages, ignoring them with his iron will.  

He did however, send a text to his one and only trusted friend.

 **Me [2:21 AM]  
** I fucked up.

 

/

 

He received millions—an exaggeration actually—of texts from Dick, getting a ton every day and still, he ignored them. Didn’t have the heart to reply or read them and even though he was ignoring Dick, the man never stopped. His phone had a constant green light blinking at the top and it bothered him.

So he turned off his phone, left it in his drawer to avoid all confrontation.

He didn’t go to the gym and thankfully, Dick didn’t know where he lived because they’ve never gone to his place before. It was shitty compared to Dick’s grand apartment and he didn’t want to show it to Dick for fear of judgement. Most didn’t have a good opinion once they saw the crap hole Jason lived in, an old and withered building that looked on the brink of collapse. But hey, a place to sleep was better than none.

His silence went on for about two weeks, no one bothering him. That was until he received a knock at the door and it was Roy.

Roy who looked very pissed off, eyebrows pinched together and face scrunched into a scowl. He was angry that Jason had been ignoring him and while he could see the fire burning in his eyes, there was concern reflected in them.

He didn’t have to see it to know that Roy was worried.

“What happened?” Roy asked as he stepped inside, toeing off his shoes and pulling the door shut behind him.

Jason sighed as he dragged his feet towards his couch, collapsing onto it in a loud thud. Roy followed after and sat himself on the ground, leaning his head back at the edge of the couch so the back of his head was pillowed against Jason’s thick thigh.

Roy didn’t breathe a word, waiting patiently for Jason to explain. Allowing him to collect his thoughts. Ten or twenty minutes might have passed between them before Jason’s voice rings in the air, everything flowing out of his mouth like a stream.

Roy listened until the end before he gave him his thoughts.

“I know you’ve been hurt in the past,” he started. “But it’s not always going to be like that.”

“You don’t know that,” Jason bit back bitterly.

“I don’t. But from what you’ve told me, I think this guy really likes you.”

“He might now but he’ll end up hating me.”

Roy sighed loudly and lifted his head to turn to his side, he kneeled and hovered just slightly above Jason to flick him in the forehead. His friend flinched back, grumbling in pain as he brought a hand to rub at the sore spot.

“You’re an idiot,” Roy said. “Just because some have in the past doesn’t mean it will happen again.”

“Ugh,” Jason could only groan.

“You have to take chances. You like him right?”

Jason didn’t even have to give it a moment of thought to know the answer. “Yes.”

“Then give it a chance. If he hurts you, which I don’t think he would, I will personally kick his ass.”

That gets a small chuckle out of Jason. “He might kick yours. You need to hit the gym more.”

Roy rolled his eyes, scoffed at his remark. “And whose fault is it that I lost a buddy at the gym? Because someone was too busy chasing ass.”

“Fuck you.”

“It’s a true statement.”

“Would never fuck you.”

“That’s not what I was referring to you idiot,” Roy glared at his friend before his features softened, green eyes staring at him in earnest. “I meant what I said. Give him a chance and talk to him. Okay?”

Jason was doubtful, but what Roy said was right. 

His insecurities had gotten the best of him, caused him to let go of someone he really liked. Someone that might make relationships okay for him. Someone he hoped would make it so his world wasn’t so dark, so he didn’t think the worst in everything. Because Dick was like the sun, brightly shining, casting its heat rays on people, making their hearts swell with warmth.

Before Roy left the apartment, one foot out the door, Jason replied with a soft ‘okay,’ earning a small smile from Roy.

 

/

 

Jason regretted telling Roy anything. While he had been brainstorming on how he would go about apologizing to Dick and basically confessing his feelings, he found the man in question right outside his doorsteps. A little out of breath, disheveled and not the normal clean cut Dick he was used to seeing. Though Dick never had the best wardrobe (he still adored his terrible fashion), he was more un-matching than usual. Loose sweats hanging off his hips, a hole in the knee where he could see his clearly defined muscles, his oversized wrinkled t-shirt that he swore must have been balled up and stuffed somewhere because shit, how was a t-shirt that crumpled? His hair was a tangled mess. Mismatched shoes, one being a sneaker and the other a sandal. Wow, how did he not notice that? 

Yeah, he looked like crap but still beautiful. 

“Hi,” Dick said meekly with a nervous smile. “Can I come in?” He asked. Jason was tempted to shut the door in his face, but knew that this was his one chance to clear up the misunderstanding he’d let run for weeks. 

So he let him in, didn’t say a word and just walked inside his apartment. Dick took that as an invitation and stepped inside. He pulled the door shut behind him and kicked off his shoes, not noticing that one was different from the other because his focus was purely on Jason, eyes glued to his back.

Jason could just feel the heat radiating off his back, could feel his gaze. His heart was in a jittery mess, thudding so loudly in his rib cage and he couldn’t seem to calm it down. 

He reached the couch, but didn’t bother taking a seat, instead, he stood. He kept his back turned towards Dick, not wanting to look at him, didn’t want to see the kind of expression he wore. He knew Dick was right behind him, just a few feet away because he could feel his presence. Could hear him breathing, breath coming out in loud huffs. 

The air around them was tense, delicate. Easily breakable.

Moments went by, he wasn’t sure how long, but the moment Dick’s voice filtered into the room, the atmosphere shattered, the unease released from its hold and replaced with a bit of butterflies floating around, mixing in with a dash of awkwardness.

Dick was awkward and this was a first for Jason.

“I’m—“ he started. “Um. I don’t know how to start this but I just—“ he was stuttering and Dick doesn’t stutter. He was always so confident, knowing exactly what to say, but right now, he didn’t. “I-I just wanted to say I’m sorry.” 

Jason chewed his lower lip. He should be the one who was sorry, not Dick.

“Do you hate me?” he asked in a whisper, so quiet that if the room wasn’t dead silent, Jason wouldn’t have been able to hear him. 

That immediately snapped him out of whatever anxious trance he was in and he spun on the balls of his feet, turning around to directly face Dick. Dick who had fear written all over his face, his brows pinched in worry, blue eyes a bit glassy. Fingers curling into his shirt, clutching on so tight that he was just making the wrinkles worse. 

“I don’t hate you,” Jason said and was surprised at how stable his voice was. He almost faltered for a moment, but quickly collected himself. He needed Dick to know that it wasn’t his fault and more so, that he didn’t hate the man.

Jason could never hate Dick. He was too nice, an all-around good guy, until he was mad but that was beside the point. He was always nice to Jason.

He heard Dick breathe a sigh of relief, the stiffness of his shoulders slumping just a bit. Yet, he still looked concerned.

“Then…why did you leave? Why did you ignore me?” Dick asked in a raspy tone filled with desperation.

Jason ran his fingers through his hair, a habit of his he often did when he felt stressed or pressured. He needed to explain to Dick, it was an easy story to tell. Something he had right at the tip of his tongue, but he found it hard to express.

Admitting one’s flaw was not something that was easy to do. He could go on to tell him about his story, where all of his insecurities had built up from. How his parents had treated him like shit, how his father was a fucker, how he had abandoned him and his mother. How his mother decided that death was better than being with him. How he tried to pick himself back up from the harsh world and always kept falling. How he would take a chance on others, trust them, only to be betrayed in the end. How every little good thing turned into something bad. How the _only good_ in his life was feeling the burn in his body from working out to the brink of exhaustion and Roy. 

He could tell him all of that, the reasoning as to why he ran away. But Jason didn’t. Instead, he gave a really simple answer, something he should have said at the beginning to make all of the butterflies fluttering in his stomach go away. Something to ease that dreadful look on Dick’s face. Words that would have maybe not brought him to this exact situation.

“I like you.”

And that was all he needed because the worry in Dick’s face was immediately swept away, disappearing out of sight and a look of shock replaced it. His eyes were wide, still glassy, but there was something else reflected in those ocean-blue eyes. Something hopeful. Something like realization as the words sunk in.

“…Really?” Dick murmured in a soft voice and there was a tint of red spreading to his cheeks.

Jason didn’t even hesitate to reply to that.

“Really.”

And fuck, he really wished Dick would just stop biting his lips because it was too freaking sensual to look at. 

“Me too. I—“ he paused for a second, his gestures shy as he took a step forward. “I like you too.”

That was all it took. A confession to settle the misunderstanding between them because Jason—yes Jason—took a large step forward to close the gap between them, slinging an arm around his waist to tug him forward, causing Dick to fall into his arms.

He could feel Dick’s warmth against his skin, could see how shy and embarrassed Dick was because his cheeks were bright red, as red as a ripe tomato. So different than when he was in bed because he was nothing but shy when they were immersed in the heat of sex.

Jason couldn’t help but think of how cute Dick was and without thinking, he kissed him, rough. Kissed him long and hard to make up for all the missed times they could have had, desperate and wanting. Longing to have Dick in his arms, to make him his, to show him just how much he wanted him and Dick—Dick returned the kiss with just as much fervor and desperation as Jason had. He could just feel his emotions, electrifying.

Jason knew that Dick was too good for him. That he came with too much baggage for someone so pure, too much issues for Dick to deal with. But even then, he wanted him so much. So much that he was willing to take a chance.

And if he got hurt in the end, if that _ever_ came to be, he would learn to be okay with it as he always did.

But he prayed—hoped—that it would never happen. Because part of him felt like, if this didn’t work out, it would literally break him, emotionally.

In a small whisper with foreheads pressed together, he lets slip the darkest thoughts occupying his mind, a shaky breath flowing out. “I don’t deserve you.”

Dick heard it, loud and clear and he just blinked at Jason in astonishment, like it was the stupidest thing he’d ever heard. Jason could feel fear seizing his body, a hand constricting around his heart, his windpipe as he struggled to breath, not realizing that he was frozen stiff.

But the ice wrapped around him didn’t stay for long, was quickly melted when Dick gently stroked his fingers down his cheek before he cupped them, tipping his head back so their eyes would meet, blue eyes gazing into him in wonder before a look of understanding passed through. A look that said he knew.

Jason didn’t expect the next words to pop out of Dick’s mouth.

“Whoever hurt you didn’t deserve you,” Dick spoke, and pecked him softly on the nose. “I’ll prove it to you that you definitely deserve me.”

And Jason couldn’t say anything to that. He was too shocked, speechless to reply or say a word. So instead, he wrapped his arms tight around Dick, pulling him in close, hugging him like he depended on it.

All he could say was a hushed cry.

 

/

 

A year down the road, he found himself lounging on the couch with Dick snuggled on top of him, a hand clutching onto his shirt with his cheek pressed against his chest. He was in a deep slumber, mouth open wide with a bit of drool leaking out. Kind of gross in his opinion but at the same time, cute.

Reminded him of the first time they actually slept together like this, just cuddling to the background noise of the TV and Jason thinks back to the beginning of how it all came to be.

He was glad he took a chance with Dick.


End file.
